


Lost letters

by DespairAsSweetAsCitrus



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, IM SO EMOTIONAL, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DespairAsSweetAsCitrus/pseuds/DespairAsSweetAsCitrus
Summary: When I think about you… When I hold your hand… When I touch you. I’m happy but I’m scared… I’m satisfied with so little but at the same time I want more… I don’t understand… This is the first time I’ve ever felt this way.





	Lost letters

Hey Yuzu,

Remember when we held hands back from the shopping centre? Remember when we kissed in my Grandad’s chair? Remember when we almost got caught in the bathroom that morning? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did all those things right from the first moment when I pushed you up against the bathroom wall to the last moment we touched, I’m sorry that we spent all that time together but I’m not sorry for doing it any of it, I’m sorry for wasting it, for letting myself think that there would be another moment just like those and letting what seemed like minor things wash over me  _ hoping  _ there would be another. 

You in that wedding dress I couldn't speak, I couldn't comprehend how you looked, my heart pounded, it soared and it made me feel like anything was possible, I wanted to wed you right there and then and when you said “When we get married” I just wanted to jump into your arms and run away, get married and love you. Honestly and truthfully love you. I do. I don’t want to wed Udagawa, it was Grandfather's choice but I’m not going to give you excuses. I'm sure by now you’re happy and with someone else who deserves you, a girl who can love you back and as freely and as openly as you want. As much as I want to be able to love you. I know you won’t ever be able to take me back, this was the final straw, this cannot be undone and I’m not ready to accept that. You wont read this so you wouldn't know just how much you mean to me, not only as step sisters but as lovers. 

I never got to say it to you did I? I wanted to for so long, I wanted to time and time again and I was desperate to say it so you knew how I felt before I had to leave but I couldn't. I didn't and now you're gone. When I think about you… When I hold your hand… When I touch you. I’m happy but I’m scared… I’m satisfied with so little but at the same time I want more… I don’t understand… This is the first time I’ve ever felt this way. 

The ring feels so heavy, it holds all my emotions for you inside just dying to be let out and screamed to the world. I remember when you first gave me the ring, when you first put it on my finger and I cried, you asked me what was wrong with such a scared face, those beautiful emerald green eyes shimmering with the beginning of tears thinking you had hurt me and I told you I didn't know. That was a lie. I wish I hadn't lied to you, I wish I had told you it was because that was what I wanted the most, to be me and you together, I felt it every time we wore the matching rings either on our hands or around our necks but I hid it away pretending it didn't bother me even as my feelings got more weighed down as time went by. 

I ask Himeko how you are but she says she doesn't see you much. I’m not sure whether that is true or not, I don’t know if she isn't telling me because she wants to protect me or because she actually doesn't see you. She says when she does see you you seem quiet, your grades are well and you cause no trouble, you even wear your tie occasionally. I stray from the point, I don’t want to think about school, that is what caused all of this in the first place and if I could make that decision I would leave it behind in a heartbeat. 

I must leave this pen and paper now, I have responsibilities and I often spend my only free time doing this for only me to see but somehow I feel like you will be able to sense what I feel when I write it down on paper. Goodbye for now Yuzu, I love you.


End file.
